Santee Claws
by Kyoko-san
Summary: [A zaney and fluffy christmas oneshot] A midnight assassination gone wrong, terribly wrong...


**Disclaimer:** Don't own. I just don't.

Excuse the lateness. I had some trouble reaching my editor

Editor: I resent that.

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**Santee Claws **

For Angela, Merry Christmas

_"And they call him Sandy Claws."  
_-Jack Skellington, Nightmare before Christmas

----

"Are you **absolutely** sure this is safe Freyr?" A voice whispered in the dark.

It was dark out, not a star nor moon in the sky. Crisp newly fallen snow blanketed the ground. Two shadows were climbing up the wall of a house. One was tall, the other was shorter. A figure that resembled a metal… boar (?) hovered next to them as they scaled the fortification.

"I, Freyr, am positive." Said the taller figure (which shall be called Freyr because this piece of information was given to us by Freyr's companion and himself). A chilly wind blew by and he sneezed. This in effect made him loose his almost non-existent grip and plummet to the ground. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depends on the person) the Metal Boar was able to save the falling being.

The other figure looked down, snorted, and then continued his accent of the wall. By the time Freyr got back up (which wasn't very long since his 1337 flying pig just hovered him up… which makes you wonder why he didn't do that in the first place) his companion was already sitting on the edge of the roof, idly swinging his feet back and forth and checking for dirt beneath his clawed nails.

"Heimdall could have helped." Freyr muttered as he got off his pig. The figure (which we are assuming is Heimdall –cough-it is-cough-) cast him a quick sideways glance before nimbly getting up and facing Freyr.

"So what is this brilliant plan of yours that involves you dressed in a red suit with a fluffy white trim, a white beard, a dorky red hat with a white pom-pom at the end and for me to have fake felt antlers on my head?" Heimdall crossed his arms and tapped his foot, annoyed with his roommate's antics.

Freyr smirked and his eyes flashed (this would have been impressive if not for the fact that the beard covered the smirk and the hat kept falling over his eyes unexpectedly. So in reality it was pretty goofy looking. Or in Heimdall's opinion, just plain pathetic.) and chuckled.

"Well I was at the mall when I over heard some little children talking about this 'Santee Claws' (haha, Nightmare before Christmas). They said that he comes at night and people let him into their houses, but only on one night of the year. Tonight. He goes down the chimney and leaves people gifts. No one minds because Santee is a nice person." (The gifts are also a big part of this too)

Heimdall cocked an eyebrow at this. "And what does you dressing like some bearded clown have to do with this 'Santee Claws'?"

"Oh dear Heimdall," Freyr chuckled, this caused Heimdall to twitch. "Don't you see the beauty of this? We're going to give Loki a gift!"

Heimdall stared in silence. "And I want to give Loki a gift why? If you don't remember he's my **mortal enemy**! You dolt!" He promptly whacked Freyr up the head.

Freyr, who was unfazed (due to the fact that he is so used to his companion's aggressive behavior) only smile goofily. "Who said we were going to give Loki a nice present? Naughty children get lumps of coal from Santee!"

Silence. (If it were summer my evil crickets of awkward silence would have chirped right now. So… lets get a random moose call!)

"We're wasting our time trying to give Loki a lump of coal?" Heimdall whacked his forehead. He knew Freyr was incompetent, but this was ridiculous. He silently cursed Odin for sending Freyr as an assassin and making him his constant responsibility.

Freyr laughed. "You are funny. No, I thought that this was a great opportunity for you to kill Loki!" Freyr said, pounding his fist into his other hand with a grin.

'_That was… actually a good plan. And it came from Freyr…'_

It's a Christmas Miracle!!! (Not that Heimdall knows what Christmas is…)

"I can't belive you'd come up with this absolutely ridiculous idea that can actually work." Heimdall gave Freyr one of his rare smiles.

"I knew you'd like it."

----

Yamino rolled over in his bed and looked at the chicken clock he got from mail order (he did away with that old crappy antique of his fathers). It read in nice lime green numbers 11:55 pm. Silence draped the house much like the snow. Yamino chuckled as he remembered a little rhyme he read from a children's book at the bookstore the other day.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

'_Well, except me.'_ Yamino thought with a sheepish grin. He looked at the end of his bed and saw his older brother on his back, paws in the air, snoring away softly and the occasional twitch from his left hind paw. Yamino smiled and crept out of bed and put on his ducky slippers (which he got from Ebay, wonderful little thing).

Yamino walked downstairs swiftly and silently (hey, how else can he do the creepy sneak-up-on you butler thing if he stomped?) and into the kitchen where he nearly tripped and hit his head on the counter from one of his brothers random chew toys. He silently cursed the little black dog (hey, don't all siblings? Yamino has to crack at some point) and kicked the aforementioned object of his close-to-doom. It hit the wall with a satisfying _squeak_.

Yamino poured some milk into a cup and put in the microwave. The silence of the house seemed to creep up on him. Why Loki-sama had chosen such a large house to live in he'd never know (well… he had the faintest idea. Gods, there all the same). He often felt like the house was creeping up on him. The steady hum of the microwave broke the deafening silence just a little bit.

_Bing!_

Yamino opened the Microwave and took out the slightly steaming milk.

Scratch, scratch… Shuffle 

Yamino jumped slightly at the sound, spilling a little bit of milk on the floor. He cursed his paranoia of silent houses (that scratched themselves?) and lay the mug on the counter. He shook his head and told himself that it was just the molecules of the house contracting because it was colder outside. Walking over to the sink he ran some water over the cloth and then wrung it out.

Creek… thump… 

Yamino whirled around this time. Houses don't go thump. He picked up a spatula from the stainless steel tin and held it like bat. The noise was coming from the den.

----

If I were to say that Freyr's Kaitou entrance was worthy of a phantom thief, I'd be lying. Freyr fell down the chimney, and would have hurt himself (and given away their position away) if not for Heimdall's quick reflexes (who quickly did away with the reindeer antlers for obvious reasons). Heimdall swiftly grabbed him by the end of his Santee jacket. Heimdall rolled his eyes and lowered Fryer down. Then he let go of the walls and landed gracefully on his feet, much like a cat. Freyr pouted.

"Sometimes I think you'd make a better thief." He whispered. Heimdall smirked.

"Isn't that why I was the one who was closest to killing Loki?" Heimdall asked, cocking his hips in a rather girly manner. Freyr pondered and scratched his head for a second before smiling goofily. "No, Hel-san did."

Heimdall glared at the God of Fertility, then looked around. "So… which way is Loki? There are so many magical aura's here that even if I **did **have my right eye I wouldn't have been able to track him."

Freyr blinked three times before rubbing the back of his head nervously, little sweat drop hovering over his head. "Hehe, I don't know."

If Heimdall were a normal person he would have fallen over anime style. But since he is a god and more composed then that (excluding 2 gods –coughFreyrandThorcough-) he made an annoyed face and slapped his forehead. Well… Freyr's heart and creativity were in the right place, just not his brains.

"May I suggest that we split up and search for clues?" Freyr asked. Heimdall stared at him as if he were nuts.

"Search for clues?" Heimdall repeated.

Freyr smiled again (dose he ever **not** smile… don't answer that). "Hehe. I heard that on some American cartoon. I couldn't resist."

Heimdall groaned and whacked Freyr up the side of the head (Again). "Baka."

----

Yamino slowly crept down the hallway. He edged closer and closer. Closing his eyes he ran, yelling some Old Norse battle cry, totally kamikaze style into the den with the spatula raised threateningly (or as threateningly as a spatula could be mind you).

But he was met with an empty den.

He stood there, alone in the room blinking repeatedly. Then a large sweat drop formed over his head and he laughed quietly at himself. He was just imagining things. But he was sure he heard voices.

He wasn't crazy was he?

Yamino shook his head and sighed. Maybe it was just all those sweets Mayura had brought over. He had eaten some to be polite, but after that he couldn't get to sleep.

'_Maybe I'm just overtired.' _He thought and headed back to the kitchen. He drank his warm milk then headed down the hallway that led to the stares. What he wasn't expecting was to bump into someone.

The figure seemed confused, sprawled out on the floor and blinking repeatedly. Yamino gaped. The figure looked up and got a look of surprise. Both of them opened their mouths:

"_**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

The figure turned and tried to run away, but Yamino's protectiveness over his family took over his general surprise and half fear and he tackled the figure to the ground. He was inadvertently straddling the intruder and pinning him down.

Yamino glared. "Who are you and what are you doing in here?"

The figure smiled goofily (or at least you thought he was, the beard kinda hid it). "I'm Santee Claws!"

Yamino cocked an eyebrow at the being he had pinned down. Santee Claws? Who (or what) in Niflhelm was that? Then something sparked in his mind. The Christmas rhyme was about a man called 'Santa Clause'. Could this be him?

The man was a bit on the skinny side. Not at all the roly-poly jelly belly guy the pictures in the book showed. But he still sported the beard (which Yamino thought it looked oddly fake) and the outfit, characteristic to the child bedtime fairy tale.

Yamino looked down at the figure, analyzing slowly. Then he smirked uncharacteristically. He ran his hand up the chest (slowly…) and into the beard, tangling his fingers in it. Then he yanked. The beard easily came off leaving the surprised face of the God of Fertility for all to see. Being straddled by Loki's Butler/youngest son. Talk about incriminating (if Loki was here he'd either be a traumatized or taking pictures for blackmail… Yamino sometimes couldn't tell when it came to the trickster god).

Yamino sat there on Freyr's stomach (still straddling) feeling satisfied for catching one of Loki-sama's wayward assassins (who seemed to fail at every turn). Freyr seemed vaguely horrified and yet not so at the same time.

Yamino flicked Freyr's nose. "So, why are you here **Santee Claws**?"

----

Heimdall heard the horrified yell of two people and knew that Yamino had found Freyr (well he didn't know for sure if it was Yamino… but I seemed like an oddly Yamino thing to do). He contemplated weather he should go save Freyr or kill Loki. Tough decision. He decided to kill Loki first, knowing that Yamino wasn't a totally dangerous person; Freyr would live through his encounter with the Midgard Serpent.

Heimdall slowly peeked into different rooms; one was full of boxes of the most unbelievable things (Yamino's mail order), until he came to the room at the end of the hall. He opened it slowly and crept in silently. The room was fairly large, had some old antique furniture (of Scandinavian design) and a large king sized bed. Settled underneath the large duvet was a small body, lost beneath the folds of fabric. It rose and fell slowly and evenly, showing that the occupant was obviously asleep (and alive).

Heimdall smirked and crept over to the figure. Loki lay in green pajamas, his copper hair tousled and a relatively peaceful look on his child face. His eyelids fluttered from time to time, showing that he was in REM sleep. A pink thing sat nestled on his head, snoring away softly. Heimdall just stared for a moment, watching the God of Fire sleep before silently getting to work. He turned his back to Loki, unbeknownst to the fact that the thing (Ecchan) had opened one red eye.

Heimdall poked around the room, and Eechan followed closely behind him, wondering what this small violet hair child was doing in Loki-tama's room. Heimdall sighed, frustrated, and left the room, heading to what he believed was Loki's study, Eechan following swiftly behind, unnoticed.

Heimdall pulled open several drawers before settling for a letter opener (shaped like a dagger). He wasn't particularly up to a bloody murder, he preferred much subtler ways, but he'd rather not get mixed up in the black market. His other means was magic but with the lack of his right eye, he wasn't going to be doing any of that either. So it was back to the old fashioned way. Ecchan was confused. What would the little boy do with a letter opener? Ecchan wasn't the most intelligent floating marshmallow demon, but he knew that whatever the boy was doing, it wasn't cool.

So Ecchan devised a quick plan. Stall for time. So it decided to throw things at the boy. It picked up (though how we may never know) and threw a random pen at the boy. This hit Heimdall in the back of the head. He whirled around quickly and came face to face with a pink flying… thing. So as any one would do, he swatted the thing out of the way and left the room.

----

Freyr was faced with a dilemma. He had the Midgard Serpent sitting on his stomach. Not that the Midgard Serpent was dangerous (well… in this form anyway). This was just Yamino right? The poor, good-natured butler/caretaker of the boy detective Loki. So faced with this dilemma, Freyr did the one thing that made logical sense (in his mind and several random readers… not naming anyone).

He pushed Yamino off him, screamed bloody murder all the while, and dashed down the hall and up the stares, narrowly missing a Ming vase. He looked hastily around and flung himself into a random room… the mail order junk room. Several boxes fell and landed on him.

"**ITAI**!" Freyr yelled, holding on to his much-abused head (due to Heimdall, Yamino's skull and several random boxes of forgotten mail order).

"Buhi!"

Freyr turned to see his pig in the same cramped room as him. He sweat dropped.

"How long have you been here?" He asked, while whispering.

"**Buhi**!"

----

Heimdall crept back into Loki's room and smirked. Loki was still sound asleep, unaware of the demise that was heading his way. How tragic. He crept over slowly until his forbidding shadow loomed over the prone sleeping body. He raised the plastic decorative letter opener above Loki; the shadow impended ominously on the wall. Lightning flashed (ok… so that was just cheep effects. The director got caught in the moment. Work with me people). He laughed evilly and plunged the knife down-

Only to be tackled by a flying pink marshmallow blur; which made him fall on top of Loki and lose the plastic dagger. Now, one would think that this would surely wake up Loki. Alas, our dear protagonist (or antagonist, depends on the era) was probably the heaviest sleeper this side of Midgard (and Asgard to boot). Loki just rolled over, taking Heimdall with him, and wrapped his arms around Heimdall, snuggling up to him like one would a teddy bear, sighing contently.

Heimdall lay there stiff as a board, eyes wide as flying saucers (**Look**! A UFO!). He lay like that for about 5 minutes (all the while silently freaking out) before hearing a door open and slam shut, and the sound of several boxes falling. A muffled 'itai' gave away the identity of the noisemaker. Then a curt 'buhi' only further added to his hypothesis. Freyr made it upstairs. Lazy git.

He looked down to see Loki, face pressed into the side of his stomach, holding onto him as if he were his lifeline. He tried to wriggle out of Loki's grasp, slowly, as to not wake up Loki. He didn't want this to be anymore messy than it was going to be (if Loki awoke, it would make his mission much more difficult. Very much so). Loki made a sound of protest and held on tighter, child hands curling into the fabric of Heimdall's jacket. He nuzzled Heimdall's stomach unconsciously. Heimdall shivered slightly, unused to such intimate contact (weather conscious or not), **especially** from his nemesis.

Heimdall groaned and finally decided that if he was going to be stuck here, he might as well make himself comfortable. He had a gut feeling Freyr wouldn't be coming to get him any time soon. Loki shifted and nuzzled closer again. Heimdall squeaked. This was going to be a **long** night.

----

Yamino walked up the stares, his trusty broom ready at hand. He reached the upper landing and peeked out from behind the wall. Loki-sama's door was ajar, very unusual. Something wasn't right. Well then again, anything evolving Freyr wasn't right anyway and he was within the vicinity of the house (or at least he should be. Knowing Freyr's mentality, he wouldn't have found the exit unless he ran into it). So assuming that Freyr was still in the house (which he is), Yamino assumed he had hid within Loki's room and foolishly left the door open (which would have been a Freyr-ish thing to do, though that's not the room Freyr's in).

Yamino walked into Loki's room to find a very interesting sight. Loki with his head on Heimdall's stomach looking extremely content and Heimdall with his eyes closed, mumbling something in Old Norse. Yamino recognized it as some sort of prayer. He smirked. If only he had a camera. All in all the scene was quite comical and cute. But Yamino's protectiveness seemed to shine through again and he marched over to the bed. Analyzing the situation he noticed that Loki was grasping onto Heimdall. Ah, so Heimdall didn't do this on his own free will. That accounted for a lot.

He grabbed a Teddy bear (sent to Loki from Freya. The girl was a dear but she was trying too hard) and grabbed Heimdall, snapping him out of his prayer, and switched the two of them. Loki protested for a second before grabbing the teddy bear and pulling it against him. He scrunched up his nose for a second, as if noticing a difference, before calming down and snuggling up to the bear.

Yamino sighed and looked down at Heimdall whom he had by the scruff of the jacket.

"This has got to be your worst attempt yet." Yamino said with a smile, shaking his head softly. Heimdall just shrugged.

"Wasn't my idea. Blame the Baka. He was the one who came up with this kind of scheme."

"Figures. Him dressed up as Santa Clause or "Santee Claws" as he calls it and you being one of his little elves." Yamino laughed and put down the God of Revenge.

Heimdall looked up at Yamino. "He has elves **too**? And here I thought the **reindeer** were bad enough!" Heimdall sighed then smiled. Classic Freyr at work. Well, technically when you're with Freyr it's never a truly dull moment.

----

Freyr and Heimdall were kicked out of the Loki Estate (after they found Freyr and Gullienbrusti) and the two were walking out of the gates and heading home.

"Never convince me to that again." Heimdall said to Freyr. Freyr looked at his small companion.

"Why? Christmas is about giving. I tried to think about what to get you, but I couldn't think of anything. Then I remembered you wanted to kill Loki, so I thought that this kinda chance would be a great gift for you. Even if it is a terrible sin." Freyr said with a smile. He was taken aback when he felt Heimdall hug him for a brief 5 seconds before he let go. He looked down at the Watcher, surprise written all over his face.

Heimdall smiled and kept on walking. "Don't get used to it Freyr."

Freyr stood there with a small smile gracing his lips. Freyr stood there in the street with that smile on his face. Then he broke out in a grin. "TEHEEE!" He blinked then looked around. Heimdall was gone.

Freyr finally got back to the house (which is a very confused house that thinks it's a mansion. Or it's the other way around) he and Heimdall shared. He got in and found poor Heimdall out like a light. In a rare moment of un-glossed-over chivalry, Freyr took one of the blankets from the linen closet and covered Heimdall with it. Freyr clicked off the light and disappeared into his room, but not before whispering "Merry Christmas Heimdall".

----

Freyr woke up the next morning and went through the studious task of cleaning himself up (which involved a fight with the tooth paste… nasty little stuff, but it tasted good. Why did Heimdall always tell him not to eat it?). He went into the kitchen and found a little (and horribly wrapped) package (with a absolutely tacky bow that didn't accentuate or bring out the color of the sparkly wrapping green wrapping paper. What were they thinking?!)

This caused much prodding of the little package until (by accident, we can't give Freyr too much credit) Freyr found the little tag that read in a (surprisingly) nice cursive hand writing (very surprising indeed since its against nature for one to absolutely lack in wrapping talent yet have such nice penmen ship. Well… in Freyr's mind that is).

_Freyr,  
__This is a thank you for your 'gift' (even if it didn't work)  
__--Heimdall  
__PS: Please refrain from growing them in the house, or I'll confiscate them_

Freyr ripped open his gift (the paper deserved no mercy) and was delighted to find a small package of pumpkin seeds.

_Merry Christmas_

----

_Owari_

----

**Author's note**: A few things. Heimdall, Freyr and any other character's personalities are a mixture from both the manga and the anime (of what little I've read or seen). I wasn't sure of which one I really liked, and I wanted to add characteristics that I enjoyed from both of them. Of course I loved Freyr's 'na no da's and his 3rd person speaking, but I prefer his over all stupidity.

I hope I didn't offend anyone by anything I wrote here. I apologize now.

**Editor's note: **bow thank you I hope you have enjoyed this fic. (Yamino ROCKS! W007 w007) (I am not the author… just so you know…)

_© Kyoko-san 12-29-04 (don't own, don't own)_


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